hi!

i've posted a bit since the initial blog post after returning and all of those songs (besides one) are old songs. old being used loosely of course. techno defiance was the only "new" song that was far enough along to want to show. and this leads into something i've been dealing with since i first started making music of any kind.

music block :/

i've always had trouble with it. spending hours, days, weeks, etc., staring at a project wondering why i can't finish it. and especially in my case, i have a decent amount of those. to bring it up again, i am trying to make a full album. i've wanted to do something like this since i made my first track tbch. and seeing it slowly take shape has made me really happy! but... the problem is that i'm stuck. and i don't really know how to get out of it. i've never really known. songs like interdimensional madness got lucky. i love where it ended up but i have no idea how it got there. and i hate that. i've always hated that. there have been a number of songs that i couldn't finish for an indeterminate amount of time just to randomly come back and finish it then and there like it was nothing. and i wish i could understand what i'm doing and why all of a sudden, i have enough ideas to push me over that last hurdle (when up until that point, i had stared at the project, screaming at myself to do something. to try anything so i could finish it).

i have two unfinished songs that are supposed to be for the album. and i can't finish them. i want to finish them. i want to do something with them, so they're not stuck in composition limbo. but i can't. and it sucks. it blows. i've mentioned JMNerd a few times now because of the songs i've uploaded. and i'll never not be grateful for what he did to help me. the problem is that every time i hit a wall, my mind defaults to wanting to ask him for help. we don't talk anymore and i'm not dying to go reach out (nothing bad behind it. he was just a part of my life i do NOT want to go back to). but i just...

i don't know what to do at this point.

music block makes me feel talentless. because all of a sudden, the song i was so excited to work on is now meaningless to me as i can't do anything with it and yet, i don't want to let it die. because i know the potential is there. i just don't know how to access it if that makes sense. and if anyone has any tips on how to beat music block, def let me know. an interesting thing that came out of this was a song i'm working on currently called "a thunderin' showdown!" i had come up with a good drum n bass loop and as it was starting to be something, the block hit. and it was around this time that the idea of that "jokey-type" album i've mentioned before came to be. i worked on that album for almost two straight weeks. and when i finished it, i actually got some ideas for the song. it didn't last long though. this stuff sucks either way. because as bad as i can be when trying to continue / finish a song, i'm just as bad trying to start a new project.

i knew this was going to be more of a rant / ramble-type post, so thanks for sticking it out /srs. i appreciate you guys and the support i've been given recently for real. i hope i'll be able to get past this and make some new stuff!

but fr tho, thank you guys~ :)